Saturday, January 12, 2013 -
when busyness gets to me, it really irritates the hell out of me. after 2 night shifts at p2d, the last thing i wanna hear is "missy i wanna go toilet". i'm irritated by mere human's basic needs. the days where i lament how the state of nursing is like and how nurses have strayed so far away from empathizing, not even sympathizing the patients... it has been difficult to recover my initial passion for nursing. but as i humbled myself again, i find that the very act of serving a bed pan, an urinal, touching my patients reminded me that my patients are sick people afterall. i was reminded again that my work is not about me, it's about the patients. i work so that others may live. having said that, even though i've reasoned my purpose at work, it doesnt make work easier.

watched "wreck it ralph" today. it was different from what i imagined the movie to be. when i first saw the trailer, i thought the idea of not enjoying work was very real. ralph in his own way was sick of his work. i mean come on, who likes to do the dirty job, not having his work appreciated? but as the show carried on, i realise the worth of an individual's job isnt determined by people's appreciation, neither is it determined by how we feel about the job itself. me, in my capacity, wun be able to justify the worth of my job if i cant look beyond my own gains.

i'm getting tired. shall continue reflecting tomorrow

Tuesday, December 18, 2012 -
i hate it when you can just bring down my day like that.

nvtheless i shall pen down the things that made me smiled today...

i painted for the first time. my godzilla and I:)

my parents got me an uyii bag:)

that's alot to thank God for:)


Sunday, December 16, 2012 -
I was once again encouraged by my christian junior as I come across his FB post. humbles me and also reminds me that as much as i'm tired with work, it doesnt give me the rights to give up on caring for people, to go an extra mile and to just focus on work so that treatments are given, end results are justified and leave patients' soul are as broken as the their state of health:(

"As i journey to be a doctor,
May I not ask to be a better clinician,
May I not ask to be better with my hands as I learn to operate
May I not ask to be smarter or more knowledgable

But GOD, may I be a servant, to always be at the service of others, to be humble and meek and wield the knowledge I gain without pride, and to always lift up those who are weak and by doing so, show that there is somebody who really cares. Regardless of the cost that it may entail, regardless whether they are friend or stranger.

After all, you already set the example for us.

Though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.

(Philippians 2:6-8 ESV)"


gave me the strength to face monday afternoon shift:)
___________________________________________________________________________________________________

was awed and touched by the Les Miserables trailer, hit by Anne Hathaway's hurt in her expression of "I dreamed a dream". then i started my crazy search on les miserable on youtube and stumbled upon one of their interview that mentioned this quote:

"for every line (of the song) is a different mountain that needed to be climbed. some of those mountains are higher than the others and while i enjoy climbing some, i hated the others. but if you're not exhausted when you're done singing the song, you're not climbing higher enough. "

I'm missing all the times that i sang. though i dont sing awesome, but i understand what the singer meant when she mentioned this quote. it felt really good when you're exhausted and feeling that ache over your abs region when you finish a difficult song, hitting a really high high note. i miss singing:(

Monday, November 26, 2012 -
Something Dr Zul quoted from Helen Keller and posted on FB to , for his fellow colleagues in NUH and all else in EMD (which are us!):

1. Believe, when you are most unhappy, that there is something for you to do in the world. So long as you can sweeten another's pain, life is not in vain.

2. Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.

Tuesday, October 02, 2012 -
我知道一山不能藏二虎,但若这里已经卧虎藏龙了,你的去留也许只是赌气。。。或是你已经学会了放手,不再斗了。

a senior staff just posted on FB that he is contemplating if he should sign a letter of offer. he didnt mention where, didnt mention who the party was. honestly, i feel that he has an agenda and intentionally posted on FB to let others know he might be leaving. but then again, if i were to throw away my cynic self, he might rlly be tired of fighting for a higher position here with little promise of promotion as there are many others who are as qualified as him or perhaps... the other institution is able to offer him better terms than what he has now. so many people have left over these few months:( and many others are having thoughts of leaving. makes me wonder, what's the value of my job and what's the value of working here, in this institute. if there comes a day when i have to make a choice, what's the factors that will hold me back. there's got to be more than just an everyday job where i spend 40% of my day.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012 -
doing ALCNS' graduate survey made me think about university days alot. being in this profession for a year, i guessed i've changed/grew alot. for better or for worse i'm not sure.

haha, i guess i've been through stages of adaptation. from being stressed by new challenges to being detached from everything else to perhaps, accepting this profession as part of my life. i may just continue to complain about job for very long but i wont be able to just leave it. "do you like your job?" i'm not sure. honestly, i couldnt imagine myself doing any other thing apart from nursing and im not staying in nursing cause i have no choice. till now, i have no idea what i particularly like abt my job.  i've come to realise i dont suffer from messiah complex nor am i as kind as i wished i was so hmmm, i guess the reason that's binding me to nursing will remain a mystery to myself i guess. heehee.


Tuesday, July 17, 2012 -
i used to like rainy nights. but eversince i found out that there's a homeless man sleeping at the void deck downstairs, i cant help but to think about that homeless man on these rainy nights:(.


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acknowledgement
layout: lyricaltragedy
icon: threemoresteps
inspiration: fruitstyle